I was fairly emotional the couple of weeks before Christmas. There was the anniversary of my kitty’s death, which made me feel mournful. There was my birthday, which made me feel a bit older. There was a meeting with members of my family, which wasn’t as stressful as it could have been, mainly because I’ve changed my approach. There’s been sickness, antibiotics, my niece was in the hospital twice, and so on.

The new year was coming. I could see it, just ahead. But I felt frustrated, like I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t move forward, as much as I wanted to. I kept thinking I wanted to try a new routine but I couldn’t. Not yet.

We went to see friends for Christmas dinner. It was a very nice, quiet affair. Good food. Good people.

On the drive home, (they live an hour away) I realized that I was, for the first time in a while, feeling hopeful.

Christmas was over. (There were technically still a few hours left, but still. Done.) That meant I could finally start forward.

Blaze and I have joked about how we’ve already started 2025. It’s still in beta mode, and there is no user acceptance criteria (because honestly, with the way things are going 2025 would probably fail horribly.) But that’s how I’ve been thinking about the next few days. Try the things I wanted to try, come up with a new routine. Clean out some of the gunk from the last year.

I don’t understand completely why that date of Christmas was such a blocker in my head. And it was just in my head. I get that.

I do understand why I’m so looking forward to 2025. 2024 was one of the most stressful years on record for me. Possibly for my poor husband as well who’s been there to support me through all of this.

I guess Christmas marked the end of the year as far as my emotional brain was concerned. I’ve already started some of the new habits I want to pick up. I have to remind myself to go slowly. Baby steps. Because if I try to change everything all at once, I’ll fail.

Consistency is key. One thing at a time as well.

I have been delving deeply into the “whys” of these changes. Understanding why I want to make this change means I’m much more likely to keep at it.

Like for example, stating that I want to walk more isn’t good enough. Why do I want to walk more?

Well, for one, my hips and my knees hurt less if I use them more. And that’s one of the goals right now. To do the things that are good for me, because that means I’ll feel better.

I’m getting back to the gym. I’m changing what I’m doing slightly, so I’ll feel better about my time there. I liked the stamina training that I’d started. I saw quick progress. I plan to continue with that, and to get back into resistance training later. I’d tried to do too much all at once the first time I started with the gym. Doing less, making one aspect a habit, then adding, is a better formula for success for me.

Right now, I can still walk my husband into the ground. However, I can no longer work him into the ground. I used to be able to. However, he has more stamina and strength than I do.

That’s gonna change. Maybe this year. Maybe next year.

Finally, though, I can move forward. And I am.