Though I’ve been trying to get to the fiction for a week or so, yesterday was the first day that I actually managed it. The first chapter I wrote was so easy. I had a lot of fun. Then I found myself distracted, unable to really get much more down on the page.
WTF? Writing should be easy, as I demonstrated to myself that first hour. Why am I having such difficulties? I like this novel. I like this world. What’s stopping me?
It took me a while to figure out that I was going through a very quiet freakout, primarily centered around COVID.
I had thought I was safe out here. Then I came down with something that I’m still 99% convinced was COVID. (Won’t know for certain until I can get an antibody test.)
It took some time to process all that I was feeling and going through. I’m hoping that today the fiction will go back to being easy and delightful again.
Yesterday was also the day I felt sad. I miss my friends. I miss seeing people. Yes, I’m an introvert. I’m talking with people almost every day. It just doesn’t seem to be the same thing after a while.
I understand that I am so privileged living out here on the property. I have nature to walk in on a regular basis. (With prompting from my Fitbit, I’m walking almost every hour.) I still miss the city. I miss Seattle and going to restaurants. I miss my old life.
We’ve been out here for 5 1/2 weeks. Though I know there’s talk of opening the state back up, I figure maybe June first, but more likely, Fourth of July before I start going out more regularly. Seeing friends. Eating at a restaurant. Etc.
I can do this for another few months. There will be times when I’m truly loving everything I’m doing and happy. But I figure I’m also going to continue to cycle through a wide range of emotions.
How are y’all hanging on? Are you cycling as well? I figure my cycles will tend to be longer, I’ll be fine for a number of days, then I won’t be fine for a short while, then back to being fine again. (My period is due any day now, so the rampaging hormones are not helping in the least when it comes to maintaining my equilibrium.)