I’ve been handling the Plague and The End Of The World As We Know It fairly well. I kept wondering, though, when (not if) I was going to have a freakout.
Yesterday turned out to be that day.
It was triggered by a few things. Two nights ago, I had an allergy attack, the kind where I sit and sneeze constantly for over a minute. So the night before I freaked out, I went to bed not being able to breathe.
I knew it was my damned allergies and nothing else. But my fear reaction had been engaged. Mix that with wacky hormones and some personal family stuff and wham! I was there.
I spent time the next morning cuddling with my husband. I had a purring kitty in my lap for much of the day. I took some really long walks on my own, walking and breathing and calming down.
On a bad physical day, I still try to write 500 words. As this was a bad mental day, I still aimed for that. Managed 800, mainly because I was writing to the end of the chapter.
For the afternoon, I needed to be doing something outside of my normal routine. Blaze and I took a long drive and spent time plotting out more of the Sekrit Project. We picked up a book he’d ordered from a local bookstore (didn’t go into the bookstore, just picked up the book.) Then stopped by a local teashop that was open and got more tea.
Made an unplanned run to the grocery store to pick up fixing. Then came home and distilled our own rubbing alcohol. Because we could and it made me feel much better.
Later that afternoon, I made pizza. I rarely get a jonesing for pizza. Maybe twice a year. I made a cauliflower crust that probably would have turned out better if I’d followed the recipe. We had unseasoned ground pork that I cooked up and seasoned delightfully. I also made the tomato sauce, using some fresh herbs, such as the wild oregano and thyme.
There was wine, much relaxing, purring with the kitty, and getting to bed early and then sleeping late.
This morning, I feel fine. Freakout over. Will write this morning. Zoom chat with my family this afternoon. We’re still taking Tai Chi classes – they’re being taught via Zoom as well.
I won’t go anywhere today. I probably won’t go anywhere until Monday and our scheduled grocery run. (Though Blaze might go and pick up the mail on Friday.)
Will I freakout again? Possibly. But that’s okay. I don’t need to feel as though I’m “bad” or “weak” for freaking out. It’s scary out there. I will do my best between now and then.
Keep working. Keep writing. Keep myself healthy. Keep myself at home.
How are y’all doing? Have you had a freakout yet? Or is it continuing?