As of yesterday, I have spoken Hungarian for 180 consecutive days.
I still love it. I do have to remind myself sometimes that feeling uncomfortable is one of the signs that I’m learning. I’m certain that learning (re-learning) a language is working my brain, one of those muscles that if you don’t use, you’ll lose.
The start of a new section on Duolingo may or may not be difficult for me. Depends on the content. If it’s stuff that I already know or am at least familiar with, I can just charge ahead. But I’m running into more grammatical structures that I do not know, as well as vocabulary. I just have to remind myself that I am capable of learning, and though I may suck at this structure to start with, by the time that I’m finished with the section, I’ll at least have a passing familiarity with it.
I don’t feel as though I could converse with someone in Hungarian. I need a lot more practice to get there. But I do see the day on the horizon when I’m going to start listening to more lessons on YouTube as well as maybe join a Hungarian language group. Possibly at some point I’ll get a private tutor, but that’s really going to depend on the cost.
This week hasn’t been good, I’m afraid. Mainly I haven’t been sleeping. So I haven’t been writing in the mornings. Today is particularly bad. However, I have had a lot of caffeine, and fat, and I am at least able to fake coherence relatively well today.
That’s what shifting focus is all about. This week has been a serious lesson in focusing on what I CAN do, instead of bemoaning all the things that I cannot do (like write.)
I can still edit. I can still write non-fiction (like this blog post.) I can still answer emails (and keep my inbox cleaned out!) I can’t really “art” as it were, or work on covers. When I’m this out of it, all I can tell is that something is not right with a cover. I do not have the brain to be able to diagnose and fix it.
The list of things that I need to do in January keeps growing. That makes me anxious, quite frankly. However, on my board of post-it notes, I have separated out the things I can do on brainless days like today. I just have to keep reminding myself that there are things I can do, and then find the strength and energy to go ahead and do them.
Fortunately, I have stubbornness on my side. No matter how hard it is today, I’m still going to push forward and get more stuff done, damn it. At least until later this evening. Then we’ll see how I feel, and if I just need to be done early, giving myself the grace to recover.
What are you pushing through today? Or recently? What are you struggling to do, regardless of circumstances?