I’ll be 58 later on this year. I’m officially approaching 60. For most of my life, I’ve never felt old. I’ve taken care of myself and tried to stay in somewhat good shape. I knew I was no longer twenty, but I wasn’t *old*.

2019 though…Man, this has just been a hard year. Was sick at the start of the year, then we had that horrible snow. Then more sickness. It’s been one thing after another.

I did a lot over the fourth of July weekend, got sick (again) then entertained people and then went on a road trip. It’s taken me days to recover. And that’s just not right.

But then again, I suspect it’s kind of where I’m at, now. I’ve started to think that my internal battery is like an old computer battery: it takes longer to recharge, it never charges all the way up, and it depletes quickly.

I remember my mom complaining bitterly at about this age – she felt as though her body had betrayed her and she was suddenly old.

I’m kind of feeling the same way these days.

I’ve never really thought about the phrase, “Growing old gracefully.” Not until recently. But I’ve decided that it’s not the right concept for me. Fuck growing old gracefully. I’m going to fight it tooth and nail. I’m going to keep doing yoga, going to the gym, and eating healthy.

I have been feeling old lately – older than I’ve ever felt before. I do feel as though my body is breaking down. I haven’t had a good week in a long while – just good days here and there. But even with this old battery I’m going to keep pushing, keep going, keep striving. Keep writing. I try to keep my brain young, with sudoku puzzles, crosswords, meditation, and learning new things. Plus, I have the anti-stodgy campaign(tm) to help keep my attitudes younger.

So how about you? How are you facing this long, dark, last battle?