too much

Too much to do for the day job. Too much writerly stuff going on in my head (and some of it isn’t just my neurotic paranoia!) Too many interesting discussions that have been going by on my FL that I haven’t had the time to respond to, though they’ve given me even more writerly thoughts.

Brief update: Wrote 1000 words on Tuesday night — many of them “bad” words — that is, words that won’t actually make it to the typed page. I’m going to have to completely redo one scene, drop another, add a different one, etc. The writing just wasn’t flowing. Didn’t write anything for a couple of days — Wednesday for health reasons, Thursday because I was lazy. Wrote another 1000 words this morning (Friday) and boy, was the flow there. If I hadn’t had to stop for the day job, could have kept going for another couple of hours easily.

This is the writing so far this month. In honor of NaNoWriMo, I’m aiming for 30,000 words this month.

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
10,000 / 30,000

I’m not too worried about only reaching about 1/3rd of my goal and half the month is gone — I’ll make up for it this weekend, as well as the next.

One of the reasons why I stopped on Tuesday night was because my back brain suddenly introduced three new characters. My fore brain kind of froze and said, “WTF? New characters? Why do I need more new characters? This thing already has a cast of 1000s!!” and other bitching and moaning.

This morning, my fore brain was more amenable to the additional characters. This was mainly because I realized that every single additional character that the back brain has introduced has eventually become a pivotal player — if not in this novel, then in the next. So I may not have a clue why these characters are here right now — but I need to trust the back brain that they’re necessary, and even if I never see them again in this novel, I will see them again sometime in the future. It’s that whole “trust your back brain, trust the process, even though you don’t have an outline or a net, trust yourself that you can do this.” Trust doesn’t come easily or naturally to me (hush, schnaucl) but I’m working on it.

This morning, because I hadn’t written in a couple of days, and because I’m neurotic — always afraid that I won’t be able to write whenever I take even a 24 hour break — I cracked open my book of prompts. Today’s prompt was, “Write of something done in a small moment.” And WOW. Did that spark some ideas. I suddenly understood why the scene was there, and what one of the new characters had to say to the main character — the last line of the scene, and how pivotal it’s going to be. It’s such a small thing. A single sentence. A single touch. But essential. I didn’t get to the end of the scene this morning, but I’m pretty excited about writing tomorrow, finishing this scene. Not a clue what the next scene is going to be — but hopefully the back brain will have an answer for me by the time I get around to writing it.

This is one other thing about writing the character who I, at this time, enjoy writing more — I find I take a lot more time detailing things. This has been one of the great advantages to writing by hand, for me: I’m willing to take that time, much more so than when I type out a first draft. It feels to me like instead of going in a straight line, there’s noodling to be done and corners to be explored. Along with slides and inns and waterfalls and mysterious doorways or people or. . .

Or maybe I’m just enjoying what I’m doing so much right now. It doesn’t matter how I’m writing (though I think the hand-writing is making a difference.) And maybe that’s one of the secrets — this journey is the most important part right now. I’m not denying that ending the novel, rewriting and sending it off isn’t important. It is. It’s just that right now, the journey I’m taking fills me with such delight.

I had a random thought this morning that I’m going to have to do one hell of a rewrite on this novel to make it saleable. And I might have been feeling a little intimidated about that. But — I’ve always been more of a re-writer than a writer. And I’m willing to completely change my re-writing process as well. I found my joy again in the writing. Why can’t I find a rewriting process that, though is a lot of hard work, makes me happy as well?

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