I had wanted to say something intelligent, possibly witty, in this, the inaugural post of my LJ. However, a friend of mine, Katherine Lawrence, killed herself this past week, and I find that all my thoughts keep turning to her.
While I would call Katherine a friend, we weren’t close friends. We also had a business aspect to our relationship–she created, and had maintained, my website.
I’m sad that Katherine felt the only way to deal with her situation was to end her life. Someone else said that once, when Katherine was sick, she expressed surprise over the number of people who came to the hospital, who had wanted to help her. I agree with their assessment–it only she’d remembered that these past few weeks. When I lived in Tucson, I found the Tucson writer’s community very inclusive. I would have thought that Katherine would have found it to be the same, or even more so, as she’d lived there for much longer than I had.
I remember reading about a study about suicides in Minnesota, where I grew up. You would think that most suicides would occur during the winter months, when you have days, months even, filled with cold, grey skies, and darkness. But no, most suicides occur in the spring, after warmer weather arrives. The researchers didn’t know why, whether it was because the people who killed themselves needed that extra little boost of energy that came in the spring to remove themselves from their situation, or because whatever they’d hoped would manifest with the change of season didn’t, and they couldn’t hold on any longer.
I’m sorry that Katherine couldn’t hold on, couldn’t see any other way out. I shall miss her. She didn’t take shit from anyone, which is always something I greatly admired. I would have seen her come October when I go back to Tucson for a week, maybe we would have had lunch together.
Something just doesn’t feel right with her gone.